


A perfect disaster

by Apuzzlingprince



Series: IT Fanfics [4]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: First Dates, Fluff, M/M, Richie tries so hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 07:23:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12526048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apuzzlingprince/pseuds/Apuzzlingprince
Summary: Richie finally finds the courage to ask Bill out. Their first date ends up being a complete disaster.





	A perfect disaster

It had taken Richie a good part of his adolescence to gather up the courage to ask Bill out. As was par for the course for Richie Tozier, he decided to do it in the most extravagant and obnoxious way possible, and Bill had woken up one morning to find hundreds of post-it notes in the shape of a heart layered over the windshield and hood of his car, in the middle of which had been a messy scrawl of ‘go out with me this Friday at 8 – Richie Tozier’. Bill had spent most of his morning removing the post-it notes and scraping sticky residue off his windshield so he could make the commute to work. In a display of incredible patience, he had not gotten angry at Richie for making him ten minutes late for his shift, and had instead agreed to go out with him.

The restaurant he brought Bill to was  _way_  classier than Bill had been expecting. It was one of those candlelit diners with sparse furniture and stunning red walls covered in paintings. Laminated menu’s in leather jackets were handed to them at the door. They even had the option to order from their table rather than submit their orders at the front counter – Bill hadn’t been to a restaurant that offered  _that_  since their graduation dinner.

To be honest, he would have been perfectly happy with a homecooked meal. Restaurants weren’t usually his scene. The atmosphere of them was too stifled, too formal. With the occasional resurgence of his stutter (something Bill was still receiving therapy for), he wasn’t comfortable enough to speak freely.

But Richie had gone through a lot of effort to get them a reservation here, and Bill was determined to have a good time.

He ordered a chicken schnitzel with diane sauce and Richie ordered a medium rare steak. Two simple, but satisfying meals. While they were waiting, Bill looked across the table at Richie, who had started fiddling with his cutlery and napkin.

“So, uh…” Bill cleared his throat and shifted nervously in his seat. He shouldn’t have been nervous, considering he’d known Richie for well over a decade now, but he’d never been on a date with a friend before, not even with Beverly, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to traverse the change in their relationship. “It’s pretty cold in here, huh,” he finished lamely.

“Yeah,” said Richie, equally as awkward. “That’s… that’s winter for you.”

“H-ha, yeah.” Bill stared at the flickering candle in the middle of their table. It smelt of lavender. “Thought a fancy place like this would have better heating.”

“So did I. Sorry about that.”

“T-that’s okay.” Bill rubbed at his forearm. “It’ll, uh… it’ll probably snow soon.”

“The fact I’m waking up with frost on my dick is a sure sign.”

Bill snorted. After all these years, Richie still favoured dick jokes as a means to break the ice. Bill supposed he couldn’t blame him: dick jokes were a tried and true method of getting someone to relax. “Didn’t know you slept with your dick out,” he said, chuckling. “Doesn’t seem conducive to a good night’s sleep.”

“You’d be surprised,” said Richie, winking, and Bill didn’t understand  _why_  he winked, but he blushed all the same.

Their drinks arrived before they could make further stumbling conversation. Bill took a sip of his lemon lime and bitters and swirled the ice cubes at the bottom of the glass with his straw. Richie had ordered a beer, which he chugged a generous amount of before resuming their conversation.

“You know,” began Richie haltingly. “Since the weather’s getting cold and all, I could always, uhm… warm you up with myself.” He held up a hand to forestall interruption. “I mean, not with sex or anything like that! I’m not propositioning you! Not that I wouldn’t mind some sex, but we could sit on my couch together or your couch or… something…”

Bill arched an eyebrow. “How could I say no to that,” he said, tittering.

“Someone with higher standards would have said no.”

“I’m dating you. I don’t think I can claim to have standards at all anymore.”

“Ohh, you wound me,” said Richie, grinning. “You’re lucky you have a cute ass, Denbrough. I wouldn’t take that from just anyone.”

“You’ve been looking at my ass?”

“To be fair, who  _wouldn’t_ look at your ass.”

The pink on Bill’s cheeks grew darker. “I w-wasn’t aware it was such an asset.” He glanced away and looked pointedly at the dessert menu hanging behind the bar. Try as he might, he couldn’t get his face to cool down. He probably looked a right idiot, getting all flustered and nervous over a few compliments.

“You’re really adorable, you know that?” Bill could hear Richie leaning across the table, the wooden base creaking. “I’m pretty sure, like, half the Losers had a crush on you. Except Ben. Ben was too busy making puppy eyes at Beverly to appreciate how delightfully adorable you were.”

“You’re so goddamn embarrassing, Tozier,” Bill said shyly, flipping his middle finger at Richie’s approximate direction. He continued to stare away, though now it was for the purpose of watching as a waiter emerged from the kitchen with four plates balancing on their skinny forearms. It was quite the feat. Were the staff taught how to balance plates, or did they pick it up as they went along? Either way, Bill was impressed.  

“I think you mean ‘charming’,” said Richie.

“No, I definitely meant embarrassing.”

Richie sighed. “Come on, Bill. Turn around. You’re making me feel- oh, fuck!” He heard Richie yelp. “Never mind! Don’t turn around!”

Naturally, Bill turned around immediately…

And saw that Richie’s sleeve was on fire, and that he was in the process of putting it out with his beer. It was such a startling sight that all Bill could think to do was gape while Richie struggle to extinguish the flames. It was when Richie finally managed to douse his sleeve that Bill noticed the candle had been tipped over and now their table was on fire instead and oh good lord, could things possibly get any more chaotic-?

Apparently they could, as Bill leaping out of his chair to escape the flames resulted in him slamming into the waiter, who dropped all four of his plates and proceeded to go cartwheeling into the mess. After stuttering out an apology, Bill grabbed his lemon lime and bitters and threw it onto the table cloth, finally bringing an end to the fire.

The entire restaurant had gone dead quiet. He and Richie stood there in shock, gazing upon the horrific mess they’d made, watching as wisps of smoke rose up from the mangled table cloth and the waiter struggled to their feet, covered in gravy and vegetables, a slice of carrot stuck in the collar of their shirt.

Bill could smell his schnitzel. It smelt good. Shame he would never get to taste it, nor step foot in this establishment ever again.

Richie finally, after several minutes of tense silence, seemed to recover his voice. “I’ll pay for all of this!” he squeaked, withdrawing his wallet and slapping two crumpled hundred-dollar bills down on their ruined table. Bill probably would have added an extra hundred for emotional distress.

They didn’t linger long enough to find out if two hundred was sufficient. Richie grabbed Bill by the forearm and dragged him across the restaurant and out the front door, breaking into a run once outside. They’d driven to the restaurant, but Richie hauled them right past the restaurant carpark, past their waiting vehicle, and through an alleyway on the opposite side of the street. Bill only managed to get in a ‘wait, your car!’ in protest before they were barrelling out into a different section of the city.  

They continued running well after there was any real need for it. As someone who spent most of their time inside writing or standing behind a counter, Bill was quick to tire, his breaths coming out in harsh pants and his skin shining with a thin sheen of sweat. Richie seemed to be faring better, being someone who went to the gym a couple of times a week to combat his poor metabolism, but not by much.

They had exited the eatery district altogether before Richie finally allowed them to stop. He dropped onto a bench on the side of the road, bringing Bill down with him, and immediately burst into laughter that was interspersed with pants. It didn’t take long for Bill to join him, though his was more wheezing than anything else.

They sat and laughed, shoulder to shoulder, shaking from overexertion.

“Well,” said Bill, once he had caught his breath. “You sure know how to make a first date memorable.”

“Yeah. Shit.” Richie wiped his palms over his face. “I – I – fuck, I completely forgot that candle was there!” He broke into a fresh bout of laughter. “F-fuck, I can’t believe I set my good suit on fire! Oh man, that’s so stupid.”

“You  _belong_  on television,” breathed Bill. “Every Body loves Richie – that’d be the title.”

“The Fresh Prince of Derry.”

“Tozier meets world.”

“Hangin’ with Tozier.”

“The Nanny, and nothing changes. It’s just you in a red dress.”

Richie elbowed him, trying to stifle his laughter by biting his lip. He was doing a poor job of it. “Damn it, Bill! I don’t have enough air left in me to keep this up!”

Bill grinned and moved to elbow him back, using it as an excuse to sidle in closer. Richie’s body radiated warmth. “This is definitely among my top five dates.”

“Only your top five? After that performance?” Richie threw a hand flat over his chest, looking aghast. “Well, we’ll just have to go on more dates until I get top score!”

“Wow,” said Bill. “That was actually  _incredibly_  smooth.”

“I know.” Richie slid an arm around Bill’s shoulders, squeezing their sides together. “So, whadda you say? Are you going to let me keep on trying?”

“Obviously,” said Bill, leaning into Richie’s quaking torso, making himself comfortable. It was cold as fuck out and Richie was like a portable heater. “I’ve got to s-see what you’ll try next.”

“The circus, probably. There’s one coming into town soon.”

“Can’t wait to see how  _that_  plays out.”


End file.
